Prior to April 10, I would have sworn I was well-practiced in flowing with the unknown. Then, on Wednesday, April 10, my father fell, and I was on the earliest direct flight from Boston to Tampa. He did not recover from the injury to his state of health. Five days later he died peacefully in his sleep, at home, with my mother closely by his side.
As we navigated my father’s declared final wishes for his body, memorial and post-death affairs, the flow of actions consumed our energy. Clear actions from earlier decisions were activated: his body given to science for further study, his memorial with a selected funeral home. Just call this number. His estate documents dictated who, what, where, when—but not why. And I flowed, dynamically.
I continue to flow, dynamically, as the date on the calendar reads April 29.
Flow contains movement, of course. This movement runs fast and furious, and also like a slow trickle, and then like a barely perceptible breath. I am waiting for the pause. A true moment of timeless stillness to simply Be. Here. Now.
Did I mention, that the day after my father’s memorial, my mother entered the hospital? Did I mention, she contracted a nasty virus in her lungs that took more than a week to get her into rehab? Did I mention the leakage of all of the hidden emotions and feelings of birth-family trauma (we all have trauma)?
I take my own pause. I turn my attention to the teachings in this pivotal transition. The death of a first parent marks a distinct growth point in human experience. I do not plan to miss it. I turn my attention to a teaching about gratitude. In this moment, I am very grateful for…
• My father’s estate, planned, sufficiently, so that in the most chaotic, grief-stricken moments all we had to do was make a phone call.
• Conversations with my father about his after-death wishes, many years ago.
• A drafted obituary to use as a starting point for the final published version.
• Friends, who showed up with food, flowers, calls, loving support and soft shoulders.
• Condolence cards waiting for me upon my return home – balm soothing my heart.
• Ears, listening even while the heart was breaking.
• Dignity, enough that we saw behind decades of hurt.
• Connection, a realization of ultimate love.
• Safety, a melting of the illusion of aloneness.
Returning to dynamic flow, I make an offering to you: consider your plans.
What are your estate plans?
What is your life legacy?
Have you given attention to the final wish of your corpse once you take your last breath?
Have you prepared documents to minimize costs and confusion?
Have you held clear conversations with those appointed to take action on your behalf?
Have you communicated all that you want loved ones to hear?
Have you given attention to these practical and non-practical matters?
Please follow these links for information and practices to address your desires. Estate laws are dictated by the state of residence. Begin here with your plan: State Checklist. Your unique situation dictates which documents you need to create and execute, but wills, health care appointments and durable powers are necessary for every plan (Basic Estate Plan Checklist). For encouragement and communication practices, click here to read ideas and considerations for writing, speaking and clarifying your wishes.
It doesn’t matter the age on your driver’s license. If you are in your twenties, or nineties, complete your legacy planning. Give attention to this post-period of your life on behalf of your loved ones. Allocate three to six months of attention, and do it with gusto. Consider those left dynamically flowing, as you transition to what is next.
Dynamically flowing in the unknown,